Kill me before I die
by Rauwrtsch
Summary: When Ichigo dies in battle, Renji wants to die along with his lover. But Byakuya won't let him. He won't let the man he loves kill himself like that and makes sure that Renji's heart gets mended back together, piece by piece. Thought nothing goes as planned.  MPREG! NON-CON! But a Happy ending! I promise you.
1. Prologue

AN: here's a small prologue to awaken your curiosity…. I'm very curious to know if you would like to read a story as this one. But I promise that except for Ichigo dying, there shall be no more character deaths.

"NO! PLEASE! NO!"

Byakuya could hear Renji scream in agony as the lieutenant was cradling his dead lovers body. "Please! Ichi, Baby, please open your eyes and look at me, please! You can't be dead! Please!"  
>Tears were streaking down his face, his eyes red and swollen. His heart obviously broken into more than a million pieces.<p>

As no reaction came from the substitute shinigami Byakuya saw how Renji's eyes took on a dead, cold look full of hatred and pure rage and killing intent.

"WHERE ARE YOU!" he screamed, standing in and drawing Zabimaru, bot not releasing the sword into shikai or bankai.

And that's when it hits Byakuya what the redhead was planning. The lieutenant was planning on getting himself killed by the same hollow that had taken Ichigo's life.  
>He quickly flash stepped to Renji's side, knocking him out and catching him, laying him on the floor before killing the hollow and taking Renji in his arms again, carrying him to the senkaimon.<p>

"I'm so sorry Renji. But I can't let you do this. I cannot let you take your life this way. You shall not take your life while I stand and watch. Even though Ichigo is dead, that does not mean you should die."

He watched the senkaimon close just when Ichigo's body disintegrated into spirit particles.


	2. what doesn't kill you

Renji woke up, his head leeling like it was about to split open, his heart feeling like it had been completely shattered. It took him a few minutes to remember what had happened , and once he did, all he could do was to start crying.

"Why couldn't he just let me die." He wondered out loud, sobbing so hard the sentence came out in shaky parts.

"Because your death would've not been necessary, and would leave you, or Kurosaki, honored."

Renji looked up, his face paling as he was Byakuya sitting next to his futon. It looked like the man had not slept in days.

"K-Kuchiki-Taichou?"

The captain looked at him with a sad and worried look in his eyes. They stared at each other for a short while, Renji shocked by all the emotions visible in his Taichou's eyes. And Byakuya extremely worried about his fukutaichou and friend.

Byakuya knew he shouldn't have gotten involved in this. His clan didn't approve having another 'stray dog' in the house, and the captain commander would want Renji locked up in the mental ward from the fourth division and fired from his fukutaichou position.  
>So Byakuya had not told anyone about Renji's condition. No one knows what really happened. He'd just told everybody that his fukutaichou had been injured and that he felt like his clan healers knew best how to treat his condition. When they had protested he had also told them that he felt responsible and that he wanted to take care of it.<p>

He had told Unohana about Renji's condition though, to get some advice, and she had promised to keep it quiet and come by once every week to check up on Renji.

The noble sighed. He would never admit it, but he really cared a lot for his fukutaichou. And somewhere along the lines he had fallen in love with him. But of course his pride and status had not made it possible for him to tell the redhead, and when Renji had gotten together with Ichigo, his heart had cracked. But he'd pushed that feeling aside, along with his feelings of love when he'd seen how happy Renji had become since he started dating the substitute shinigami.

Now 5 years had gone by since the two had gotten together and it had only been 3 days since Ichigo had died in Hueco Mundo, but his heart was making itself known again.

But even when his heart was pushing itself to the surface; Byakuya would never tell Renji that he saved him because of such a selfish reason as his love for the redhead, a selfish reason like him not wanting to lose the one he cared about so much, amongs all the other reasons.

He tore his eyes from Renji's face and stood up.

"I had my servants prepare a room for you here. You are gonna stay here until you are better, stronger again."

He held out a hand for his fukutaichou to grab and when he pulled him up. "come." He said silently while leading Renji to the room next to his. "you'll be resting here. If you need something, just knock on my door, or on the wall with the painting on it. My room is the one next to yours, It's the one you were staying in these last nights."

Renji nodded and dropped himself on the bed, face down, waiting until he heard his taichou leave the room before he started sobbing again. His start was still aching because of the loss of his lover. And now he was confused as hell as to why his taichou would be helping him, being so nice to him.

XXXX

Days gone by slow as Byakuya had no clue at all as to what to do. Every night he could hear Renji cry his lungs, his heart out until he could no longer breath properly. He could hear how his fukutaichou would be throwing things around as he would have another anger attack, another breakdown.

After the 7th night Byakuya had to tell his Housestaff to remove everything made out of glass, metal, and everything sharp or possibly dangerous. Because when Renji hadn't shown up for breakfast that morning Byakuya had gotten worried and went looking for him, finding the redhead in his bathroom, wrists slashed and barely breathing. And even thought the man had been so close to death, he's been smiling softly in his unconscious state.

But once again Byakuya had acted selfishly and had quickly bound the wounds, sending healing reiatsu into Renji's body, keeping him alive until Unohana arrived. Thank god she had been fast to respond to his hell butterfly. It had saved Renji's life.

But the redhead had gotten seriously pissed at him for saving his life. He didn't want to be save. All he wanted to do was die, and be reunited with his lover. He'd attacked Byakuya all out, like the day of Rukia's execution, crying while throwing punches at him.

The noble hadn't fought back. Not even a single time, and by know, two weeks after Ichigo's death, Renji would attack him almost daily, demanding him, begging him to kill him. But Byakuya couldn't . He just could not kill the man he was so secretly in love with.

XXXXXX

He saw Renji glare at him from across the room. Today Unohana-taichou would come by to check on the redhead's health, and said redhaid didn't like that one bit.  
>Another glare, followed by a pout was send his way when the kitchenstaff placed Renji's food in front of him.<p>

Soup…. Again.

Byakuya had made sure to tell the cooks to make dishes to be eaten with a spoon or with his hands for Renji. Knives were to come nowhere near the man, even Zabimaru had to be taken and sealed away after Renji had tried begging his sword to kill him. The sword had refused and alerted Senbonzakura who then told Byakuya.

"Why can't you just kill me?" The younger one asked silently. "It's not like I want to live anymore you know. Without Ichi… I just don't want to… I don't see why I should…."

Byakuya sighed deeply. "I already talked to you about this Renji. Your life is worth more than that, and think about the amount of friends you'd be leaving behind. Don't you think that Ikaku, Yumichika, and Rukia at least would be devastated to lose you? And what about Ichigo. What do you think he'd feel when he knew you're throwing away your life like this. Wouldn't he want you to be the strong Renji he fell in love with? The Renji he remembered? Don't you think he'd want you to move on behind the pain and honor him and that memory?"

Byakuya could see how Renji was now looking at his bowl, completely at a loss of words. He softened his voice. "You'll get there Renji… You just have to stay strong. Time will heal you and you know that I know what I'm talking about. I felt the same when Hisana died, thought less extreme, I was still hurt badly at heart."

The redhead nodded slightly, starting on his soup.  
>He couldn't deny that his taichou had a point He should be strong. It would indeed be what Ichigo would want….. But it just hurt so fucking much.<br>A tear rolled down his check. Everything he did reminded him of his lover. 'I can't even brush my teeth without thinking about how he would be, should be standing next to me.


	3. Teaser

**AN: So.. I decided to write a mini-chapter…. Kind of like a teaser to ease the wait. **

It was only a week after their talk that Renji's behavior suddenly changed.  
>He started sleepwalking.<p>

His walks started slowly; first he'd walk around in his room, then he started walking in the gardens, and next up he started having conversations with the Ichigo from his memories, from his dreams.  
>That was the first time Byakuya decided to take care of taking Renji back to bed every night instead of letting his Servants do that.<p>

He also figured not to tell Renji about his sleepwalking, since it would probably make it harder for the redhead to concentrate on his healing. Thought he had stilled called for Unohana-taichou for help, and she had confirmed his suspicions that it was Renji's way of coping with his loss, and it would probably stop after a few weeks.

Byakuya really hoped that Renji's heart could even be mended at all, even if he himself did not end up becoming Renji's lover, ever, he would still be happy for him to find happiness again. No matter how much it would break his own heart to see his beloved with someone else. He had been able to endure that heartbreak once, so why not again`

But what the captain never expected was that Renji's interactions with Ichigo would take on a whole new level, and he never came close to expecting that he would be caught in the middle of it all.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

AN: cliffy… oh yay…. I hope this made you curious for more I'm trying really hard to get the next chapter done as quicly as I can…. But school is just so goddamn busy :C 


	4. A broken heart under a pleasured body

**AN: WARNING! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS NON CON SEX! If you don't like it, please skip this chapter, I'll put a short recap at the beginning of the next chapter so you know what happened **

**XXXXXX**

_Byakuya really hoped that Renji's heart could even be mended at all, even if he himself did not end up becoming Renji's lover, ever, he would still be happy for him to find happiness again. No matter how much it would break his own heart to see his beloved with someone else. He had been able to endure that heartbreak once, so why not again`_

_But what the captain never expected was that Renji's interactions with Ichigo would take on a whole new level, and he never came close to expecting that he would be caught in the middle of it all. _

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Byakuya's eyes flew open wide when he felt someone crawl on his bed.

"Renji? What's wr-" He couldn't even finish that sentence because Renji put a finger on his lips. And it was only then that he noticed how Renji's eyes showed no life. He was sleepwalking again.

"shh….. Ichi….." He heard Renji whisper. "Wouldn't want your dad to walk in because of the noise, now would you?"

Byakuya stared at him. He didnÄt know what to expect. But if it was what he feared, he was going to be in deep trouble. He knew from past experiences that waking up Renji was nowhere near possible. He'd found out when Renji had tried to kiss 'Ichigo' before and Byakuya had tried to wake him before he would lose himself into that very passionate kiss.

And before Byakuya would even have the chance to push Renji of, said redhead was kissing him as passionately as that day in the gardens, and he was starting to lose himself in that kiss once again.

But deep down he felt a pang in his heart when he remembered that those loving, passionate kisses where not meant for him, but for Ichigo. He could wish for it all he want, they were not for him.

Suddenly he felt Renji rip open his nightclothes and grab his member, leaving Byakuya in shock and making him moan when he started stroking him.

Byakuya bit his lip. It had been so long since he had been touched there, even by himself , which was making him so very sensitive at his member that he barely felt Renji's finger enter him.

'_DAMNIT! He moves too fast!'_

"Renji! Wait! Please stop!"

"Shh… Ichu….It'll stop hurting soon, I promise. You know I'd never hurt you."

"But Ren- ah!" Byakuya bit his lip even harder now that renji entered a second finger. This hurt too damn much for his virgin ass.

It was not like he'd never had sex with Hisana, but it was never this rough and he wasn't on the receiving end.

He could feel Renji widening him, and even thought it was starting to feel kind off good, seeing as how Renji was now hitting his prostate, it was also as wrong as it could be. But all his protest were heard by deaf ears and Renji just kept on preparing him. Even when he tried to get away, and to push Renji off, Renji just pulled them close together again, telling him that it was going to stop hurting very soon.

"Renji. Please. I'm not Kurosaki! I'm Byakuya! Please wake up and stop this. Please." He was starting to get desperate. So desperate that even begging wasn't out of plan. But nothing helped, and Byakuya's heart and mind were starting to close themselves off for protection, and his body was now drowning in those loving, passionate touches without his heart telling him how wrong this was.

Suddenly Renji pulled out his fingers, making Byakuya gasp at the loss.

"I'm coming in… Ichi…. Relax. Or this is gonna hurt. And I don't want to hurt you."

Byakuya bit his lip until he could taste blood. This was hurting more than being pierced by a sword, and the pain even reached his heart that was still trying to close itself away. Just knowing that Renji's concern and love in this, were not for him, but for the Ichigo in his memory of their first time, was breaking his heart as it could no longer seal itself away now.

And then, Renji started moving, slowly at first and then going deeper and moving faster and harder, hitting Byakuya's prostate after only the third thrust.

Meanwhile the ravenhaired man was lying underneath him, moaning in pain at the rough pace he was not prepared for.

XXXXXX

Byakuya grunted when he lifted Renji, carrying him back to his own bedroom. His whole body ached and his senses were still tingling and sensitive. He could not deny that it had started feeling better, great even near the end, when his body started getting used to the rough pace, but his heart ached more than ever underneath that pleasured body. Almost breaking when Renji has screamed Ichigo's name during his release, immediately after collapsing and leaving Byakuya in his aroused state.

He laid Renji down, just barely keeping in a groan as he felt semen run down his legs, and his own still hard-on rubbing against his stomach.

When Renji was covered up, he looked at the pained expression on the redheads face and decided to never speak of what had happened. It would probably break Renji's heart even more, to know what he had done to his taichou, and he did not need another reason to kill himself. Something that that knowledge would certainly result in.

XXXXXX

About half an hour later he finally stepped back into his freshly cleaned bed. He's showered until he was spotless, and there was no evidence left of what had happened except for some bruises on his hips where Renji had grabbed him. Then he had changed his sheets and told his staff to pretend it never happened, to never speak about it to either Renji or each other, and to make sure Renji never found out about it.


	5. Big news

Byakuya gazed into his mirror. Apparantly Renji's sleepwalking habbit was getting better. It had been 3 days since Renji last came for his nightly visits that had lasted for about a week. He bit his lip. He had made sure that the staff were not supposed to talk to each other about it so that he wouldn't find out. Only the nightguards knew about it and that was supposed to stay that way.

He clenched his hand over his heart and took a deep breath. Everytime Renji had come by, his heart had broken a little more until for the last 3 nights when his heart had completely sealed itself off for protection. Which concluded to the fact that he would actually lose consciousness until it was over.

But now Byakuya had two hearts to heal; Renji's because of Ichigo's death, and his own for going through what was technically rape by the men he loved one-sidedly.

XXXXX

Another week went by real fast and Renji was really starting to get better. Tonight he hadn't sleepwalked, at all. And knowing that Renji was on the right way to getting better made Byakuya's heart mend itself together little by little. Even thought it still had a long way to go.

And as days went by, both men started looking more rested. So when Byakuya found the time to be right he told Renji about his sleepwalking habbit, excluding everything involving his nightly visits to Byakuya, only telling him about his walks in the gardens where he'd sit and talk with Ichigo.

"Thank you Taichou….. For taking care of me, and for telling me about it. I really appreciate it as I do believe that it means you believe I'm getting strong again… Thank you."

Byakuya showed his smile that Renji had gotten used to see, making the redhead smile as well. And as Renji thought about how beautiful his taichou looked while smiling, he completely missed the sad, guilty look in Byakuya's eyes.

XXXXX

Renji found that, the better he started feeling, how much faster time starting moving. It didn't actually feel like time stood still anymore. And before he knew it he had gotten permission to go out with his friends.

So now he was sitting in a bar with Yumichika, Ikkaku, Kira and Shuuhei, who had all sworn that there would be no alcohol involved tonight since he was still recovering (even when they had no clue about what he was really recovering from)

"So… Renji? How is it? Living with Byakuya? Is he really always that cold and tight-assed?"

Renji chocked no his coke. "no… He's actually a quite pleasant person to live with. He's nice to his staff and to me. He takes real great care of me and he actually smiles quite a lot."

"he smiles?" It was Shuuhei who asked the stunned question.

"yes…"

Kira looked up at him. "You knoy… Right after the Hueco Mundo incident there was this time he actually acted pretty weird. He ran over to Soutaichou first thing after and begged him to let him take care of you because he felt responsible. He said something about feeling like he hadn't send enough people there and that was why you and Ichigo got hurt. And to top it all of he was yelling all of it for the whole seireitei to hear. And he even begged while the door was open wide. It didn't even take 5 minutes for everybody to stand there gazing in awe and confusement."

Renji stared at him; eyes and mouth open wide. "He did all that to make sure I could stay at his house for recovery? Oh wow…. I never knew… "

"Yeah…. It was all kinda awkward seeing him like that." Shuuhei said snickering.

  
><p>

Another week passed and Byakuya found himself staring at his food. Even thought it was food he normally really liked, these past days he just couldn't stand the sight and the smell of it, stand alone eat it.

Now he had had the flu before. But this was just plain ridiculous. It was like his body decided to get as sick as possible. He'd never been this sick before. Never in his life.

Suddenly he felt something wanting out and his eyes widened as he quickly stood up and dashed towards the nearest bathroom before losing everything he'd eaten that morning.

He groaned and washed his mouth.

"Taichou?"

Byakuya turned around and met Renji's worrying gaze.

"Are you sure it's only a flu? You're looking quite pale taichou."

"I'm sure I'm fine Renji. Probably just a stomach flu. My stomach just cannot handle the food."

"Even then Taichou….. I think you should really go to the fourth division for a checkup. It won't harm you righ?"

The captain sighed and nodded. "Fine… I'll let someone from my staff take me there. You should go and finish your food. You need the energy."

Renji smiled. "Right… I'll see you when you get back then. Rukia and I are going to take a swim in the garden this afternoon. Maybe if you feel better by then you can join us?"

A smile now formed on Byakuya's lips as well. "I'm glad to see you're feeling so good and have a wonderfull time but I think you should take some time with Rukia alone. It's been quite long since you two did anything together right. And seeing as how you're practically her brother you should really spend time together… But I'll be off then… See you this afternoon."

XXXXXXXXXX

Unohana stared at the captain of the sixth division. "Kuchiki-taichou? Can I talk to you in privat please? This is really important."

The man nodded and sent his staff home, telling them he'd let Hanatarou take him home."

"Byakuya…. I need to ask you a few very personal questions. But I want you to answer them truthfully. Okay?"

He nodded.

"Okay… First of all… Are you in a relationship right now?"

"no?"

"Are you having any sexual relationships?"

"no. Why are you asking me this?"

"Byakuya…" her voice turned motherly. "You are pregnant. And taking your previous answers in account…. I'm worried… Do you remember having a sexual relationships in the last 2 or 3 months?"

The noble stayed silent.

"Byakuya… I really need to know. Do you remember any? And if you do… was it with your consent?" she sat next to him. "This is important Byakuya."

He sighed and bit his lip. "I did have sexual intercourse a few times about 7 weeks ago... but….. oh god… I didn't even think of the fact that I could become pregnant."

"but?... You didn't agree to it?"

"well… no…. I didn't agree….. I couldn't …he wasn't…. he didn't mean to…"

"Byakuya… I need you to tell me who did this to you so we can press charges."

"I can't…. I won't … I can't let you press charges…"

"Byakuya." Her voice turned even more motherly. " Even if it was another captain, or somebody of your clan. An elder even. I need you to know that he should not get away with it."

"no I can't….. He himself doesn't even know what he did. He wasn't in his right mind.. I can't…. If he finds out what he has done he's completely shatter when we've been working so hard to heal his heart… I can't."

He quickly stopped talking when he noticed the look of recognition in her eyes.

"Are you telling me that Abarai-san is the father?"

He nodded and looked down. "But he can't find out. And I don't want to press charges. Please?"

"okay then… I won't press the issue…. But I want you to know this. You're already close to 2 months pregnant and I want you to start coming here every 2 weeks for a check-up unless you decide for an abortion."

The noble stared at her. "I don't know…. I'll have to think about it…. And I'm going to have to tell the counsel about this… They'll probably want to know… or even have a say in this."

"okay… I understand of course…. But please do come to a decision before your third month…. I'll see you when you have decided."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Byakuya stared at the elders in front of him. It had been one week since he'd gotten the news of his pregnancy and he'd finally come to a decision he found the council will probably be able to live with.

He had thought about aborting the child. Renji would never have to know it was even there and he wouldn't have to take care of a child by himself. A child that first of all was created out of a wedlock, thus being a bastard and making it impossible for the child to become the heir.

But even with all the advantages he found that he could no longer part with the child. He had somehow started to become attached to the child, the life growing inside of him and he just couldn't kill it.

So abortion was no option.

And neither was adopting out, seeing as how it was forbidden let someone outside of the Kuchiki-clan adopt a Kuchiki child. And he couldn't let a Kuchiki adopt the child as well because he was the clanhead. And the child would still be his, heir or not, and that would probably cause a lot of problems.

He stood up. "I called you here because I have something to announce, and afterwards I will have a question, a plea more to say."

Chatter arose and he waited for it to calm down.

"What I have to announce is that I'm pregnant for about 2 months….I will not answer questions about the father or how it happened. But we all know that this child was made out of a wedlock and will probably be born out of one as well."

One of the older man rose.

"Yes…. So this child shall not become an heir. So why don't you abort it? Or do you really plan on keeping this bastard child?"

"Yes. I am keeping this child. But that was the announcement. But I also told you I have a plea…. Please let this child become the heir. I can assure you that the father does not lack in power so the child will most definitely be strong as well. And I think that the chance of me getting another child is quite small seeing as how I do not plan on marrying someone I do not love…. And I don't think I'll find love pretty soon. So please let me raise this child alone, and as an heir."

Once again chatter rose up in the room until the head elder stood up.

"We can see your reasons for asking this but we will have to discuss and vote this matter. We will call you when we've reached a decision."

Byakuya bowed, thanked them and left the room before quickly flash stepping towards the bathroom. This amount of stress could never be good for him or the child.


	6. would it help? extra long chapter!

AN: I'm sorry if Byakuya seems a bit out of character… but well yeah… hormones?

When the door to the counsel hall opened Byakuya could swear he was about to faint. They had been discussing the matter for hours and hours.

"Please sit down Byakuya-sama." The head-elder said, leading him to his chair and his face giving nothing away.

"Now. This has been quite the day. But we've reached a decision…..You are allowed to raise the child on your own. We are not forcing you into an abortion and regarding the matter of raising the child as an heir, even when being a bastard child. We decided to agree as well. But there are a few conditions. First of all, we ask you to reconsider telling us about the father so we can send a request for marriage. But we won't force you to do that. What we do really expect to happen is that when you DO create a child inside a wedlock that child will also have the chance to become the heir, and thus will also be raised as one. Then when the time comes the heir will be decided by vote, or it can also be decided that they will share the leadership. We hope you can agree to those conditions."

Byakuya nodded. "I of course accept the condition. Thank you. I know that this is a big chance of the rules in a short time, and I really appreciate it." He had to seriously bite a sigh of relief and tears of happiness. Those damned hormones

The head elder smiled. "We would also like to congratulate you on the pregnancy and were wondering when you would like to announce this news to the staff, and when you would like to announce the news to the captains and soutaichou.

Now Byakuya bit his lip. "I would like to announce the news when I have passed the 13th week because by then there will be less of a chance of a miscarriage, seeing how by then the chamber the child grows in is strong enough to withstand a heavy blow, and then I could announce the sex of the child at the same time so a room could be prepared.

Once again the head-elder smiled. "Then we'll set the announcement date on the Sunday of the 13th week. That was it then, I think everybody is now free to go?"

"yes…. Thank you again for your acceptance."

XXXXX

Days passed and suddenly Byakuya found himself wondering about how he could possibly tell the staff, or more importantly, tell it in such a way that Renji cannot connect his sleeping walking period to the time he got pregnant.

Was he going to tell a lie? Or just tell them that he would not mention who the father was and that they were not to ask about it?

After thinking about it for a while he decided for the latter option, seeing as how he was really bad at telling lies, and how the hormones were not making that any easier.

And before he knew it the 13th week was already there. It had definitely come way faster than he had expected. He was already starting to show and he had to start wearing loose clothes, tell his staff that he would like to bathe alone, and so many other things to hide it for the moment being.

He stared at his staffs and Renji's shocked faces while he was telling them the news. The news that he was pregnant and that the child, even when being a child made and born out of wedlock would become the heir and thus should be treated as one. Then came the happiness on some faces when he told them the sex of the child. The child would be male.

XXXX

"Ne…. Taichou. Why is it that you aren't telling anybody who he father is? Is he really so much against you having his child?"

The captain smiled sadly. "He doesn't know about me being pregnant with his child. We only had a few nights together and that was about it actually."

"Shouldn't he like… take responsibility? It takes to people to get one pregnant doesn't it?"

"Yes… That's true…. But I know that he had no idea about who I was and about what exactly the consequences would be. Even I forgot about the fact that I could become pregnant."

"you forgot?" The redhead now asked, startled. Wow, he must've really liked the dude to forget about something as big as that. "Wow Taichou… Never thought you of all people would actually forget about something." He said, trying to lift the mood a little.

Byakuya smiled softly. "Yeah, well, I had a lot of things going on in my head." The redhead smiled back softly. "you look forward to it? The birth I mean?"

The captain blinked and sighed. "terrified actually."

"what? Why?" Renji stared at his taichou. You're great with children, take Yachiru for example, she loves you. You'll definitely be awesome with your own little bundle of joy."

Byakuya now actually smiled at him. "Actually that's not what I'm worried about. I'm mostly worried about my little bundle of joy looking a little too much like his father, causing said father to find out about my pregnancy, and the whole seireitei to find out about who can find his way to my bedroom."

"would it really be that bad when he found out?"

The ravenhaired male sighed. "You have no idea."

XXXX

XXXX

Renji sat in what had become his favorite tree in the gardens. Two weeks had passed since he and his taichou had last talked actually talked to each other and he just couldn't stop wondering about who the father could be. Maybe someone of the other taichous? Someone who was already in a relationship? Ukitaki maybe? Or Urahara…. Or maybe someone from the spirit guard…. Or maybe the spirit King himself. His fantasy was going into overdrive and it was driving him absolutely nuts. It felt weird to know his taichou was actually that close to people other than his family, to which Renji was momentarily being counted. He even felt a little jealous, but had no obvious reason to other than he actually wanted Byakuya to pay a little more attention to him now that he was starting to feel better, definitely now when it seemed Byakuya had started avoiding him a little bit.

Suddenly he noticed to people coming to sit under his tree, acting so secretive it immediately caught his attention.

"C'mon Maria….. Tell me."

"I can't Hana… We had to SWEAR not to tell anybody about it."

"But come on. You know me. I won't tell anybody, I even know when it happened. It happened that night when everybody of the nightguards was looking so stressed out. Come on… Who was in Byakuya-sama's room?"

"Hana…."

"Maria….You're my sister… Just please tell me who raped him?" Renji's eyes widened and he just barely held back a gasp of surprise. What? Somebody had raped his taichou and had gotten away with it? He leaned back against the tree, listening intently. Maybe that was why he didn't want anybody asking any questions about the father…

"SHH HANA! How do you even know that!"

"seriously? Because he's acting so damn secretive and because he just flinched every time Taro bathed him. He trusts that kid with his life and he would never flinch from being washed, not even when They wash his privates. He grew up that way and is accustomed to it. He also asked us to leave every time he did flinch, telling us that he would wash himself that day. And then one day he just said he'd keep washing himself because he liked the private time. Now we know it's also because he probably started showing, but come on, that was suspicious. He wouldn't even let me comb his hair, and that's part of my job that I really liked doing. Now please tell me. It kills me seeing him like that. He can try and hide it as much as he wants behind that mask, you and I can both look way past that because we saw him grow up, and so can the others. He is stressed out."

The other sister sighed deeply. "Fine… But you have to SWEAR that you won't tell anybody. We could lose our jobs. He wouldn't throw us out, but I like my job, it keeps me busy."

"I know… And I swear. I won't even talk to you about it after this."

"okay then….. It's the guest… His fukutaichou. During his sleepwalking time he suddenly started going into Byakuya-sama's room. The first night we could actually hear Byakuya-sama BEG him to stop, that he was not the dead lover the fukutaichou most likely mistook him for. That was also the night he talked to us. After a few nights the begging stopped, even thought Abarai-san still went into his room. I'm guessing that Byakuya-sama just gave up on trying to wake him up. But … just don't hold it against them okay? Abarai has no idea about what he's done, and Byakuya-sama would like to keep it that way because he fears that it would break the fukutaichou. You know how much he cares for him. We've all seen the looks."

Meanwhile above them Renji was no longer listening. He sat in pure shock, hands clasped over his mouth, eyes wide and tears falling down his cheeks.

He'd done that to his taichou? He'd raped his taichou! Wait… Did that mean that HE was the father…. He was the one who should be taking responsibility like he himself had so casually mentioned to his taichou. He kept in a groan of frustration and shock. Why hadn't his taichou just told him? He should have! Conscious or not, he'd still hurt the man who had saved his life for fucks sake.

He waited until the two sisters were gone and he had calmed down enough to walk straight before climbing out of the tree. People who saw his red eyes and pained expression would probably just think that he had been crying about Ichigo again, so he didn't have to hide that. He bit his lip and started running to where he knew his taichou was; the library.

He burst through the door, startling his captain.

"Taichou!"

The man blinked. "Renji? Why are you looking so distressed? Did something happen? If you want to go to Ichigo's grave you are free to go you know?"

The redhead groaned. "It was me! Taichou! Why didn't you tell me it was me! I raped you! Ohmygod Why didn't you tell me what I've done to you! Were you planning on ever telling me! I would've take responsibility for it you know? What didn't you-" he let himself fall to his knees, sobbing, making Byakuya stand up, heart still racing from the shock of Renji suddenly entering, and went to the redhead, kneeling next to him. "How did you find out?" he asked softly.

"That doesn't matter! Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you kick me out? You had every right.."

The captain sighed. "Because I knew it would break you to know what you had done and you weren't even conscious when it happened. You weren't yourself. You're even less responsible for what happened than I am. I LET you do it to me. I could've easily kicked you off me if I wanted to. I could've locked my door, or yours, but I didn't."

"But I raped you!"

"Yes, but Renji…. As I said, I let it happen because I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want you to get hurt, so I did nothing to stop it."

"Why? Taichou… Why would you let yourself get hurt because of me? By me? You should've pushed me off, what the hell would it have mattered if I'd gotten hurt?"

"a lot. To me it would've mattered a lot."

"why?"

"Because I care about you. Now come sit down and calm down. If you still want to talk about it then, we will… okay? But first you really need to calm down."

"how can you stay so calm?"

Byakuya laughed softly. "I've been trained to be so my whole life. That, and the fact that I'm actually dead tired right now. I was asleep before you kicked open that door you know."

XXXXXXXX

It took Renji more than an hour to finally calm down and think everything over, and by then Byakuya had dozed off again. He smiled sadly. Byakuya didn't deserve this. What he'd done was just cruel.

He wondered if the squad knew, or the soutaichou, the captains maybe? Unohana probably knew that Byakuya was pregnant…. But who else knew…. And did they know what he had done?

Softly, trying to make no sound, he stood up, deciding to let his taichou sleep for a little longer. He probably needed it.

But when he reached the door he could hear his taichou groan in discomfort, making him turn around.

"Taichou? Are you alright?" He walked back, feeling guilty as he saw the look on his Taichou's face. He laid his hand on the man's forehead, checking his temperature, because he had no idea why his taichou would be in discomfort otherwise. When he noticed that his face was burning up he bit his lip. His taichou had a fever. Probably from falling asleep in the chilly library.

The redhead looked around, seeing that nobody was there before picking him up and carrying him to his room. He was probably going to be pretty pissed off about that, but Renji didn't care. After what he'd done….. he was going to try his best to make things right.

He laid his taichou on said man's bed, covering him with his sheets when Byakuya suddenly opened his eyes, blanching when he saw Renji standing there.

"taichou… calm down.. I'm awake… I won't touch you…. It's just… you fell asleep in the library and I carried you back to your room. That's all." Renji said quickly, holding up his hands in surrender.

The captain sighed deeply. "I'm sorry…. I know you won't…. It's just a reflex I gues.."

"You don't have to be sorry taichou. You didn't do anything wrong… I…uh…. Taichou.. Can I-? I want to make things right…" he said silently, looking at the floor.

"Renji… You don't need to. Just, just keep it a secret okay? If the counsel finds out that you are the father they WILL force you into marrying me."

The redhead bit his lip. "youldn't that mean forcing you into the same?"

And now Byakuya actually blushed, making Renji blink. "actually… I wouldn't mind as much." The captain said softly, suddenly realizing what he was saying and covering his mouth, muttering something amongst the lines of 'damn hormones, can't control myself.' While actually blushing even harder.

Renji laughed softly. "Hormones getting to you huh? I've seen that happen before. You're actually quite cute like that taichou, most people get cranky when the hormones kick in."

Now the captain tried to glare at him, but he failed miserably, making Renji smile even more.

"wouldn't that save you a lot of trouble thought?"

"what?"

"To be married to me? The father? Wouldn't that make the child legimate?"

Byakuya sighed and nodded. "probably. But Renji, You'd lose your freedom and; contrary to me, you are not used to this kind of life where you have to hide a lot of what you feel." And you don't love me like I love you.

He added the last part in his mind, sighing softly.

"And what if I said that I would want to try?


	7. Logic

**AN: I am sorry if it seems that Renji has been healing a little too fast. I KNOW you don't heal that fast from a depression and that it in fact never actually completely leaves you. It just disappears to the background of your life. Well… that's how it works with me I guess.  
>Also. Forgive me for my long LONG dialogues… somehow I really like writing them XD<br>But well yeah here's the next chap. **

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"and what if I said I'd want to try?"

Byakuya glanced at him, surprise clearly written in his eyes. "Renji." His voice sounded so soft that the Redhead barely even heard it.

"I owe you my life taichou…. I would've done something really stupid to myself if you weren't there, and even then I still did something stupid. I did this to you. Don't you think that this is the least I could do?"

"But Renji you dont 't even like me. Not the way I love you." He hated admitting his own feelings, but if they could at least scare Renji of just enough to make him at least rethink all of this, rethink losing his freedom, then it was worth it.

The redhead's eyes widened slightly. "Y-you love me?"

"Yes… I have for quite long Renji. But that doesn't matter. I don't want you to just throw yourself in this without a second thought because of what happened. Your heart is still with Ichigo and no matter what my own feelings say, that is where it should be, where it still belongs. It hasn't been long enough for your heart to look for another heart to love again."

"But Can I at least try? I can try falling for you?"

"Renji… Please…. I can't let you put yourself in that situation of having to force yourself to love someone. I already did that once, and that person died on me. It would hurt the both of us in ways you're probably not even thinking about right now."

Renji looked down.

"At least think about it before taking such a step. Really think about it." The captain said, voice softening a little more. "If you're still sure after that, then I'll reconsider your offer."

The fukutaichou nodded. "I won't change my mind about this… Byakuya." He said, testing the name, making said ravenhaired look at him in surprise. Renji grinned back softly. That was going to take some getting used to.

XXXX+- MONTH LATER

And indeed. The more he thought about I, the more he felt sure that it would be the right thing to do. And he could learn to love his taichou. Maybe not immediately, but with due time he probably could, and probably would.

And all the research he had been doing had shown some interesting things. Like for example that it wasn't uncommon for the parents to be married but stay in different rooms until they learned to love each other. This mostly with arranged marriages where the only time they stayed in the same room was to have sex so they could 'create a child' on their wedding nights. And if it didn't work out they could still separate, get a divorce. But only after the child turned 4, when technically speaking the child could be raised by only one parent.

But he was still really sure that he wanted to try this. He wanted to be involved in the child's life in the least. And the more he kept thinking about it, the more he thought that falling in love with Byakuya definitely couldn't be that bad.

He looked onto Ichigo's grave, where he had been standing for the last hour or so.

"I'm sorry Ichi… but it seems like it really is time for me to move on. Even thought it has only been a few months, half a year maybe. I've done some pretty stupid things, reducing my time to mourn you. I've hurt some people who are really dear to me. And I'm going to be a daddy because of it. Maybe even married if he agrees, which I hope he will after I explain all the logic about that to him tonight. It's going really fast around here, I haven't even had the chance to fall in love again, but I know that I will definitely fall in love with Byakuya if he keeps showing me that cute side of his. It makes me feel really protective. I had no idea he even HAD a cute side…. I really hope that if you still know about what's going on here, that you are not mad at me. You will always have a part of my heart, and will always carry you in mine."

Suddenly he felt a hand on his arm, making him look down at the small girl standing next to him. "Rukia.." he said softly, seeing the tears in the corners of her eyes.

"Renji.. You really have to stop sneaking in here before dawn when the cemetery is CLOSED." She said softly.

He had told her about everything that happened a month ago, about 2 days after his talk with Byakuya (yeah, he could say that name without feeling awkward now) and it had shocked her quite a bit. She'd smacked him on the head and had then hugged him tightly.

"You know..." the girl said softly. "He'd probably kick your ass for not moving on sooner. That's just who he was."

She smiled at him, the sadness still clearly visible in her eyes. "So.. When are you going to tell Nii-sama you are absolutely sure?"

"Tonight… I told him I wanted to talk to him about it. He tried to avoid the subject again by changing what we were talking about."He smiled softly. "He's actually really cute when the hormones take over and he can't hide behind his mask."

Rukia snickered. "I bet he is… Wish I could see it more…. Now.. Renji… We really gotta go. The cemetery is about to open and Isshin is waiting for us. I told him you wanted to speak to him."The redhead nodded and jumped over the fence.

XXX

Half an hour later they were standing in front of the Kurosaki household, Renji looking at his feet, suddenly feeling very guilty about all of this. He hadn't talked to the old man ever since Ichi died.

The door opened and Renji's gaze met Isshin's. The old man smiled softly and hugged Renji so tight that he could barely breath.

"I'm so glad to see you again Renji. How are you doing?"

They followed him inside, the redhead smiling softly. "Better I gues… But as Rukia probably told you; I really have to talk to you."

"If this is about your suicide attempts… I'm sorry, I already know… I pestered Rukia until she told me why you weren't at the funerals, and why you weren't coming by. And if you are here to ask for permission to move on, it's been about half a year since he died…. It's not THAT long, but he would've kicked our asses for not moving on yet." The man smiled sadly and pulled Renji in for another hug.

"Yeah.. I've been told that before… But what I want to talk to you about is a little more than about moving on… Let's just… sit down please?"

Isshin nodded and sat down, patting the empty space next to him, making a soft smile appear on the redhead's lips.

"Now tell me what happened."

"Well…. Actually…. I did something very stupid…."

He took a deep breath.

"While I was recovering I had this sleepwalking period…. I'm sure Rukia told you about that?"

The man nodded.

"Well…. I would always dream about Ichi… Us taking walks, kissing, laughing, just spending time together….But then I started dreaming about our first time, our times together and that….. that's where I apparently did something very stupid, without even knowing I did it….. I heard people talk about how I entered Byakuya's room a few nights….and…. uhm… did things to him….. The sleepwalking me RAPED him while thinking I was making love with ichi…. I raped him…"

By now Renji was looking down and trying his best not to cry. He had no right to cry. He was still feeling so guilty for what he did, even when Byakuya just kept telling him to stop feeling guilty.

"and seeing as how you have some noble roots I'm pretty sure you know something about the consequences…. And I'm not talking about death sentence or being locked away because Byakuya refuses to press charges."

The man nodded. "The incidents got him pregnant."

"Yes….." Renji had to recollect himself for a minute, calming himself down." And because of that he is in so much more trouble than he'd like to admit. He's carrying a bastard child and he isn't telling anyone about how it happened. He isn't telling anyone he was a victim of a rape. And after he announced it to the gotei 13 a few weeks ago, every time I walk the streets I can hear people talk about him, telling each other what a whore he apparently was, having one night stands and stuff. Some people talking about how they would definitely like to try and 'tap that' after the child is born."

"And now you want to marry him and tell people what really happened? To protect him and to make things better." The man said softly, knowing Renji very well and hugging him tightly.

"You know me too well old man." The redhead said softly, letting his head rest against the man's shoulder.

"You have a big heart Renji, and you should do what you feel is right… I'll support you in any way I can."

"Thank you…. It means a lot to have your support."

XXXXXXXX

Renji knocked on Byakuya's door, waiting until the now 5 months pregnant man opened it.

"Renji? You are early."

The redhead smiled softly. "yeah… can I come in?"

Byakuya stepped aside, closing his night yukata a little more without even noticing it. His heart was hammering in his chest. He knew why Renji was here. He could see it in the fukutaichou's determined eyes.

"I made my decision Byakuya and I WANT to go through with it."

"I guessed as much."

"But that's not everything. I want to tell people what really happened, even if you don't agree to it I will tell them. I want them to know the truth so they will stop talking bad about you behind your back."

Byakuya stared at him. "Renji…. If you do that it won't matter that I'm not pressing any charges. They will lock you away for doing something like that to a captain and a noble. You'll be lucky if they don't ask for your death sentence."

"Well… Here is where my logic persuading comes in…. They won't be able to do that if I'm a Kuchiki right? I would be safe, you would be safe, and most of all the child would be safer as well, leading a more happy life because no-one will dare to disrespect the child. And if you rejecting my offer is still about me not loving you the way you love me…. At least give me a chance Byakuya… I want to be there for you and OUR son. I've done so much research about all of this and I know everything that comes along. And if you don't want us to share a room, it is allowed to sleep in different rooms. And when I'm still not in love with you when the little one turns 4, you can ask for a divorce and I will accept it. I won't take him with me, I'll be the one explaining it to him and If you want me to, I will even leave the house and never have contact with him again. Thought I would propably beg for at least pictures…. But please Byakuya…. At least give me a chance with all this."

The off-duty captain looked at Renji, then at his bulging stomach, laying a hand on it. Renji had really thought about almost everything.  
>Suddenly he could feel <span>their<span> son kick his hand, like telling him to accept the deal already.

He snorted mentally. Even the little bundle of trouble was telling him what to do. He sighed and nodded. "Alright….But you have to promise me not to force yourself to fall in love with me….If it happens it happens, if it doesn't we'll just keep our separate rooms and I will not ever deny you to see him."

"I won't force myself… I promise… But Byakuya. Keep showing me that really cute side of yours and I bet it won't take long for me to fall hard for you."

At this the ravenhaired man blushed, mumbling something among the lines of 'you idiot'

It stayed silent for a bit until Renji decided to ask one last thing.

"Ne…. Byakuya… Can…. Can I try kissing you?"

"What?" By now the captain had the same colour as Renji's hair.

"Can this idiot try kissing you?"

Byakuya groaned in embarrassment. "I heard you the first time."

"well… Can I?" Suddenly Renji was really close, making his heart flutter. "please? I won't touch you otherwise. I know that you still don't like that."

"Fine."

And before he could even register it Renji's soft lips where pressing against his, pushing his lips apart with his tongue and letting said tongue enter the raven's mouth, making him moan softly. The last time he had been kissed that way was when Renji was sleepwalking and mistook him for Ichigo during one of the garden walks. But this kiss was actually meant for him.

He felt Renji's hand on his check and blushed even more. This kiss was taking his breath away and apparently Renji noticed because he softly pulled back, smiling softly and blushing as well.

Seems like falling in love wasn't going to be that hard, or take that long after all.

"Wow…. Okay… I definitely really liked that." He said teasingly making Byakuya turn even redder. "yeah… me too…" he mumbled softly, not being able to hide his smile completely.

XXXX

**AN: Whoot… another extra long chapter..  
>I hope you liked it and please review XD it reminds me that people actually read this… because I tend to forget that a little. <strong>


	8. council meeting

Byakuya stared at the garden. Renji had left about ten minutes ago after the kiss and his heart was still hammering away in his chest. That kiss had done more to him than he'd like to admit. It had really shaken him to the core.

He saw Renji and Rukia in the garden, taking a swim in the pond. When he had met her outside she had tightly hugged him and had probably wished him good luck, judging by the flustered look on his face.

Byakuya smiled softly when he remembered her reaction when Renji had probably told her about the kiss. He hadn't really heard what he had said, seeing as how his door was closed and how they were not exactly that close to said door, but her reaction had made it so very obvious.

She had stuttered and blushed, hitting him on the back before giving him another hug with this enormous grin on her face. A grin he had only seen on Renji's face before.

The captain leaned back and laid his hand on his stomach, feeling the child's reiatsu humming lightly, and he wondered once again about who the child would look like. Him? Or Renji?

"Byakuya-sama. I got an answer from the elders. They can meet you at 9 o'clock tomorrow morning."

He nodded and sent the servant out of his room tiredly before slipping underneath his covers and on his side, soon falling asleep with his hand still on his stomach.

XXXX

When Byakuya woke up the next morning it was way too early for him to be going to the council hall, seeing as how it was still only 6 o'clock.

He groaned softly when he felt his back ache. Five months already. A little over 20 weeks. That meant that he was already past the halfway mark of his pregnancy and the council was probably going to want him and Renji to marry soon, if they allowed it in the first place. All that only in case the child would decide to come a little sooner than expected.

Things were going really a little too fast for him. It felt like he just got pregnant last week, even thought at the same time it seemed like his pregnancy had been going on for an eternity as well. It still only seemed a week since Renji ended his nightly visits. Since his own heart had been shattered as well.

Another groan escaped his lips as he tried to sit up. His back was killing him, but he pushed himself up anyway, heading for his garden-doors and seeing, to his surprise, that Reji was already awake. The redhead was sitting underneath what Byakuya knew was his favorite tree, looking like he was daydreaming about something with a sad look on his face.

Slowly he started walking towards the redhead, mumbling a soft 'hej' before sitting down next to him with a soft groan in discomfort.

The redhead looked up at him. "Hej…. Are you alright? You look like you are in some serious pain…"

"Just my back." He mumbled, leaning back against the tree as well.

Renji reached out his hand to the captain's lower back, flinching when Byakuya flinched.

"sorry… Just wanted to help with the backpain a bit… I know a little trick I learned when I was a kid."

A deep sigh escaped the nobles lips when he nodded softly. Anything was better than that dull aching in his back.

Renji reached out his hand again and laid it on his back, sending healing reiatsu in the muscles and pushing them softly, coaxing them to relax and dulling the pain. "normally I used to do this without the healing reiatsu, but then it would sting when I push them into relaxation." He said softly, making Byakuya look up at him and notice the bloodred eyes.

"You alright?" he now asked as well, receiving a short nod. "I've been thinking about Ichi for a bit, and about what I've done to you…."

"Renji…"

"I know, I know… You say you don't hold it against me. But your body does. It remembers and reacts anyway."

Another deep sigh escaped Byakuya's lips. "I know and I'm sorry for that. I don't want my body to react like this, or my heart for that matter, but they do. Even when my brain finds it ridiculous to react that way."

It stayed silent for a bit, Renji working on his tensed and worn out muscles until a servant appeared.

"Byakuya-sama… The council decided to change the time of the meeting to 7.45 AM. You'll need to get ready and eat breakfast which will be served at half an hour from now, at 7 o'clock."

Renji gazed at his captain. "Council meeting? You sure you're up for that? With your back hurting and all?"

"I have to. It is to announce our decision to get married and they have to agree, and set a date. I'll have to reason with them about the why they should allow us to get married."

"Then, let me come with you."

Both the servant and Byakuya gazed at him before the latter sighed in agreement and turned towards his servant.

"Please teach him the basics about a council meeting, like you would with a child….. Me as a child…" he stated before walking towards his room to get dressed.

XXXX

Renji bit his lip and stared at all the elders in the room. The servant had quite boldly explained to him what he was supposed to do

Sit still and uptight

Listen

Don't speak until you're asked or giving permission ot

Ask for the permission politely

Stay polite, whatever you do, stay. Polite.

…

And that was about it. So he did exactly that, even when they asked Byakuya why they should allow him to marry 'that beast'.

He'd bitten his lip until he tasted blood, calming himself down before politely asking for persmission to speak after glancing at Byakuya to make sure he could.

They gave him the permission, thought hesitantely.

"First of all I would like to address that I am not 'a beast', but a person with feelings just like all of you. And second of all: The reason Byakuya and I should be allowed to marry is because I am the father of his child and I am NOT letting him go through this alone. I got him pregnant and I WILL bear the consequences for that."

Then Byakuya quickly took over, interrupting Renji before he could mention just exactly HOW he had fathered the child.

"And seeing as how marrying the father would make the child legimate, this not further harming the house honor by giving birth to a child out of a wedlock. I've already hit a blow to the house honor by getting pregnant out of a wedlock and I do not wish to further damage our honor."

"But he is a peasant!" one of the younger elders said loudly.

"And yet I already broke that rule once to marry Hisana. And even thought, yes, in the beginning that did harm our house honor, later that same fact gave us more honor than we'd lost because now the other clans look up at us because of our modern way of thinking. Renji being a peasant shouldn't matter at all. He's a captain level sixth division fukutaichou who is very capable of protecting me and very loyal to me as well as his friends and those he loves. Hence the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place."

And apparently he hadn't meant to say that last part out loud because he blushes softly, Renji soon following that example and turning bright red as well.

The elders looked at them and then the head elder stood up.

"We can see your reasoning and ask you to step outside so we can discuss all of this."

Byakuya nodded and then excused himself and Renji.


	9. council meeting 2

Renji sneaked a peak at Byakuya. The captain was obviously distressed about all of this.

"Byakuya? Are you alright?"

"Yeah.. Just… their answer… It kinda makes me worry because after all THEY can still reject the proposal even when I already agreed. They have the last say in this."

"Yeah… But believe me. I have a feeling that they won't reject it. I think the date is probably the thing we should worry about the most."

The captain nodded softly. "You're probably right." He said, right when the door next to him opened, giving him a scare.

"Byakuya-sama. Renji-san. We have our answer. Please come inside."

They both followed the man inside; hesitantly and a little stressed out.

"Please sit down."

And this caught Byakuya of guard. They almost never asked him to sit down. The last time they had done so it was to talk to him about Hisana's death and her funeral.

"now… we have some good and bad news."

The ravenhaired man nodded.

"The good news is that we will allow the marriage. The bad news is that it will be held next week and it will not be held according to our normal procedures."

"How so?" Byakuya asked, already having a feeling what that meant.

"The marriage will be held here with only all of present. No family and no other clans. No party and reception. The housestaff and family will be told the next day so that they don't disturb the wedding night. We have to do it this way to avoid people trying to stop the marriage from happening."

Both man nodded.

"Abarai-san will undergo training this week so he knows as many rules of the noble clan as he possible can and both of you will also be prepared for the marriage."

Renji looked at him questioningly.

"You will undergo bonding."

"What?" Byakuya looked at the head elder while he laid his hand on his stomach, shock clearly visible in his eyes.

"Not the spiritual bonding. That could possibly affect the heir as well. Just normal every day bonding. Getting to know each other better, spending time. This to avoid surprise after the marriage and on the wedding night."

Now Renji was the one who blanched. They had already mentioned it twice and he just wasn't sure if he was ready for that. If he was ready to have sex with Byakuya. Or if Byakuya was. The man still couldn't handle some of his more simple touches like a hand on his shoulder.

Oh.

OH!

The head elder must've noticed, but judging by the confused looks from the other elders he hadn't told them.

The head elder knew what had happened between him and Byakuya. That he had raped him.

The man stared at him directly now. "I also wish to discuss something privately with the both you." He said softly and both men nodded before he sent all the other elders out.

When all the others had left, Renji turned towards him

"you know don't you?"

"Yes… I noticed by the way he reacts to your touches that something was going on. I asked some of the nightguards because they obviously knew more but they refused to tell me out of loyalty. But then when you burst into the library. I was actually right behind you. I was quick enough to make sure no-one else heard by sending everyone away and raising a sound barrier, but I heard all of it."

"And you're not holding this against me?" Renji asked silently, looking down.

"No. Because Byakuya-sama doesn't either. And because I've followed you a little after that event, had you followed and your reasons seem noble. Even thought you did something bad without your own knowledge, you are responsible and honorable enough to bear the consequences. I appreciate and respect that. Not a lot of people would act that way."

"Thanks. I guess.." He said confused.

Byakuya softly gazed at the both of them, a very soft smile touching his lips, something that didn't happen so often anymore.

"I thank you Yuu-sama. You are very generous."

The head elder grinned teasingly. "I know right. That's why I also offered to be the one to train Renji, overview the bonding and of course, seeing as how I'm the head elder I'll also be the one to marry you. All the other have to take care of is the other preparations. I think they wouldn't have agreed otherwise."

Renji grimaced at that ."They really don't like me… do they?" he mumbled softly.

"They are old fashioned and cling to old beliefs. Beliefs that are changing because of what Byakuya-sama believes in."

This made Renji smile a little as well. Byakuya was really a very good person. Too bad moest of the people from the gotei 13 couldn't see that. But they would…. Eventually, when he told everybody the truth.

Yeah… about that.

"After the wedding and after the child is born. I would like to tell people what really happened." He stated softly.

"Renji."

"No Taichou… I want them to know… I already told you why."

The head elder now spoke up. "Abarai-san. I don't think that's such a great idea, seeing as how most of the elders still don't really like you that much. They won't let you live if they found out and it's not because it's their duty to protect you as the clanhead's husband that they won't try to get you assassinated for harming the honor like that."

Renji groaned. "But what about Byakuya's honor? Have you heard them talk about him?"

"There are other ways to restore his honor. Better one where you don't endanger your life. Like for example him marrying you, the child's father, already helps to restore some of that honor…. And with a little luck it will also restore both of your hearts."

He looked down guiltily and Byakuya laid a hand on his shoulder. "Promise me that you won't tell anybody. The fact that Rukia already knows the truth is enough for me."

"okay… I promise.. But I have another question. A favor to ask."

The head elder nodded.

"Can we please at least invite one person each? Rukia and Isshin? They both know the truth and they both support the marriage. I think it would also mean a lot for Byakuya to have his sister present."

A soft nod from the captain told the head-elder that it would indeed mean quite a lot to him, so he agreed with a soft smile.


	10. Wedding bells and whistles

The week past by way too fast and Byakuya was starting to have doubt about every decision he'd made. Or more precisely; His decision about keeping the child and his decision to once again step into a loveless marriage.

Well…. Not really loveless, more like one with a one-sided love.

And sure, he felt grateful that Renji was willing to step into the marriage with him for his sake, but the redhead had also awakened a spark of hope deep within him that maybe one day Renji would love him back. A hope he knew would end up getting crushed in the end.

But especially with this last week when they met up and just talked, sat next to each other, getting to know each other better. Getting touched softly by Renji as to let his body grow accustomed to it. This to avoid him flinching during the marriage when they'd have to hold each other and touch as well as the kiss and the wedding night. In which they would, thankfully, only sleep in the same bed together since the head elder feared that having sex could harm the heir. The stress that Byakuya's body would be put under while not having recovered from the traumatizing event of his rape could possibly destabilize his son's reiatsu and kill him, or Byakuya himself.

"Byakuya?" Renji asked softly, laying his hand gently on the man's shoulder while squeezing.

But Byakuya flinched anyway before looking up into Renji's concerned eyes.

"Are you alright? I could stop the caressing if you'd like."

"What? Oh… no…. that's fine…. I was just lost in thought."

The redhead nodded and resumed the caressing over Byakuya's half naked body. It was one of the things they's had to do during their meet-ups. He touched his back, his chest, legs, feet, neck. As much as he possibly could without touching the briefs or what was underneath it. Actually, he just stayed away from as many erogenous zones as he could, not wanting to scare his soon-to-be-husband.

He himself had been thinking as well. About his past with and without Ichigo, the now with Byakuya and them trying to get better, and the future with their son and maybe even a love-filled marriage.

He promised himself to make the best of the present and the future without forgetting his past and his missteps, but not 'dragging them along' as well.

He gazed at the clock. Only a few more hours left until the wedding. God was he nervous.

XXXXXX

Hours passed and before he knew it the wedding was already over and they were left together in Byakuya's room. They sat down on the bed and he could feel Byakuya stiffen almost immediately.

"If you'd prefer it I could sleep on your couch?" he proposed silently, expecting the older one to nod in agreement, but he didn't. Byakuya shook his head in denial. "No. it's fine." He said before laying down on his back and closing his eyes.

Renji followed his example and laid down next to him. "Y'know… Byakuya. I find it to be a loos that we didn't have to say some vows because I had prepared something to say to you…"

The other one stayed silent, biting his bottom lip slightly while waiting for Renji to go on.

"I just wanted to tell you that I really regret the way we started out and that I really hope from the bottom of my heart that I can learn to love you like you love me. Though it will probably need some time. I also hope that you can forgive me for everything stupid I ever did. Thought You know what I want to ask forgiveness for the most. I feel that I can only forgive myself when you do."

He turned on his side to look at his husbands face.

"Renji." His voice broke a little. "I Already forgave you Renji…. It's just forgetting that I am not able to do yet." He mumbled softly, now turning on his side as well.

They stared at each other for a little while until Renji spoke again in a voice so silent Byakuya barely heard it.

"Can I kiss you?"

After a few very long seconds Byakuya nodded hesitantly and Renji leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on his lips before saying goodnight in the same soft and silent voice he asked the question with.

Byakuya blinked and smiled softly as the kiss was not one like he expected. But the smile was barely noticeable. He nodded and returned the wish for a good night.

XXXXX

When Byakuya woke up the next morning he felt an arm lying on top of him and stiffened before he remembered the previous day.

He and Renji were married now.

Somehow he'd once again found his way into a marriage where he was the only one in love. It was like history was repeating itself and he wasn't sure if he hated it or not.

And right now after feeling the initial shock of the contact he found himself relaxed in Renji's arms, and he was loving it. Loving it that he was able to be the one in his arms But at the same time hating the fact that he still was the only one whose heart hammered because of such a simple and innocent thing. Not only because of the stress of being touched but also hammering away because he was lying in the arms of the person he loved the most.

It confused him.

He sighed deeply and crawled from underneath his husband's arm, sitting up on the edge of the bed.

At this Renji woke up, worry immediately filling his heart, eyes and voice.

"Byakuya, Are you alright? I should've slept on the couch…"

The captain turned around and looked at Renji. "No.. It's alright. I'm fine… thank you…" he said softly. Before laying back down right next to his husband. "I was just thinking."

"you seem to do that a lot lately…. What were you thinking about?"

"Us… mostly… And about how I ended up in yet another marriage where my partner doesn't return the feelings of love I feel for them."

The redhead looked down guiltily. "Sorry… " he mumbled. "You know that I really wish I was… But I guess it will come with time."

"Yes, I know… Just don't force yourself."

"I won't force myself. But I will fall in love with you." He said, sounding so sure of himself that it once again made Byakuya's heart flutter in hope.

They heard a knock on the door indicating that it was time for breakfast.

They ended up eating in the lovely, flower filled gardens of the mansion with both Rukia and Isshin who congratulated them softly and wished them luck. Rukia also wishing Byakuya luck on handling Renji.

It ended way too soon to their liking, but breakfast couldn't last all morning. There were things that had to be done so Renji stood up and excused himself, explainting that he was going to his room to bathe and get dressed.

But as he reached the darkwooden heavy door to his room he suddenly felt someone touch his shoulder, making him jump in surprise. He turned around quickly, to his surprise facing not a servant, but Byakuya.

"Renji. I know we both agreed on staying in different rooms, but returning to your own room so soon will raise some very unwanted questions amongst the staff, family and even other clans."

The redhead nodded and followed his now-husband to the master bedroom, finding his stuff already placed there.

"you're going to have to stay here for at least a week. Then the council will allow a meeting about sleeping in separate rooms. We'll have to give reasons for that because even if Yuu-sama already agreed on it we still need to convince the other elders of our reasoning."

Renji nodded and sat down on the couch, letting Byakuya use the bathroom first, seeing as how it was his rrom.

When the 22 weeks pregnant captain emerged from the bathroom about half an hour later he was dressed in a light blue yukata and his hair was still loose and wet, free of the kenseikan. He found the sight absolutely beautiful. Something about Byakuya looking so vulnerable had his attention. Maybe because said, normally stoic, captain showed said vulnerability only in front of caught himself staring when Byakuya met his gaze.

"You can use the bathroom now." Byakuya said, quickly turning away towards where he kept his kenseikan. He wasn't used to the look Renji had been giving him. One filled with amazement and wonder. He clipped the kenseikan in his hair and sat down on the couch to wait for Renji. They still had to announce to the staff and the family that they were now married and they also had to attend a meeting with all the taichou and fukutaichou to announce the same fact.

But what he never expected was that in the contrary to the shocked faces of his staff and family, he'd be getting catcalls and whistles from some of the people present in the latter meeting as well as some 'congratulations' and 'good lucks'

He could also hear somebody mention how they already guessed that his child was Renji's and how they were really happy for him and his redhead lieutenant. It made him smile softly, not even bothering to hide it because after all of this he could still blame it on the hormones.


	11. Tattoo

By the time Byakuya made it out of the bathroom that evening, he found Renji already asleep in only a pair of black boxers. His tattoo's stood out against his slightly tanned skin and Byakuya found the sight actually quite endearing.

He sat down on the bed, staring at his sleeping husband before lightly touching a tattoo and tracing it along the younger one's chest.

He wondered if they hurt; getting them. He knew that most humans deemed it to be very painful from whatever he had seen on what Kurosaki called a television.

He bit his bottom lip softly and followed another one on the other's hip, freezing when he heard a soft moan coming from the redhead's lips. Quickly he pulled his hand back and stared at his husband's still sleeping face. Thank god that hadn't awoken him, he would've had no idea how to explain his strange behavior.

Slowly he dropped himself next to Renji on the bed and closed his eyes as well, falling asleep only a few minutes later.

…

Renji opened his eyes when he felt Byakuya's breathing even out more than hearing it. A soft breath escaped his lips. He should really talk to Byakuya about suddenly touching his tattoo's like that because to him that was one of the biggest turn-on's there were to excist. Hence his now hardening member.

Slowly he crawled out of the bed and tiptoed towards the bathroom to will the problem away. He wasn't going to take care of it in their bathroom and he didn't want Byakuya to notice th growing problem by just keep lying there next to him.

He seated himself on the toiletseat and let his head rest in his hands. The best way for him to get rid of a boner was obviously thinking about some bad stuff that had happened and that's how he ended up thinking about all the things he did wrong and about Ichigo dying right in front of him to will his problem away, leaving almost nothing positive to think about.

It helped a little too well and he soon found himself silently crying over his loss. He still missed Ichigo with all his heard and the pain may have disappeared a little, bt the tightening he felt in his chest every time he thought of his now dead lover, never really disappeared. It had only faded to the background with all the things that had happened lately. Him raping Byakuya for example.

A sob, louder than he meant it to be, escaped his lips as he leaned his head back against the wall behind him. Life was really going fucking fast and it was about time he started dealing with the source of his pain instead of the pain itself. Time to really start mourning Ichigo's death.

"Renji?" A knock sounded on the door. "Are you alright?"

He didn't reply and just waited for his husband to open the door, which he did after a few seconds of waiting.

"Renji?" When he saw the tear streaked face he quickly waggled his way over to the younger redhead. "What's wrong?"

Said redhead gazed at him, biting his lip. "Just remembering Ichigo. I think I should finally take some time to really mourn him and get over the pain."

The captain sat down on the side of the tub while nodding softly. "You should indeed take your time for that. I didn't and it took me over 50 years to finally get over Hisana's death." He purposely didn't add the fact that the reason he finally got over her death was the man in front of him. Renji wasn't ready yet to hear that. So they sat in silence for a little while longer until Renji decided to ask the question that was wandering through his mind.

"Did I wake you up? I'm sorry if I was too loud. I didn't mean to interrupt your rest."

"No, it's alright. I woke up because I suddenly didn't feel you lying next to me." He mumbled with a soft blush. "Come back to bed?" Since he was already telling him why he woke up he could as well ask the question he wanted to ask.

The redhead nodded and stood up, following Byakuya towards their bed. After they laid down he turned on his side towards his husband. "You like my tattoos?" he asked silently, much to Byakuya's surprise.

"You were awake?`"

"yes… I'm sorry."

An awkward moment of silence followed before Renji bit his lip. "I'm fine with you liking them you know." He mumbled. "But just don't trace them like that?" He blushed brightly before adding the reason his husband shouldn't do that. "Because to me that's quite a big turn-on."

He whispered the last part so silently that Byakuya barely heard it.

But he had heard it and blushed brightly.

"It's not that I can't contain myself." He once again bit his bottom lip. "I just don't want to scare you by suddenly getting hard, like just happened when I couldn't keep in that soft moan."

The captain nodded and gazed at him. "Do they hurt?"

"What? When I get them? Slightly. But only because Zabimaru is such an ass."

"And they're all over your body?"

"well…. Not down there if that's what you mean. Zabimaru has no business there." He slowly pushed his boxers down to his side, showing his groing without showing his member. "See… nothing there."

The noble nodded with a slight uncharacteristic blush on his cheeks while the redhead pulled his boxers back up. "Let's just go to sleep now? I bet you're as tired as me, if not more, and this is kind of awkward. Alright?"

Byakuya barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes at that. Like he didn't know that! He nodded and turned to lay on his back, falling back asleep soon after doing so. Renji right behind him on his way to the land of dreams.

XXXXXthenextmorning

When Renji woke the next morning he found himself wrapped around Byakuya. His eyes widened in surprise before he slowly lifted his arm and turned to lay on his back, hoping that Byakuya hadn't noticed.

But aparantly the once so stoic noble HAD noticed because he turned around to look over his shoulder at his husband.

"Sorry." The redhead mumbled. He sure found himself apologizing often lately. "Didn't mean to scare or wake you. It's a bit of a habit I guess."

"It's alright, You didn't scare or wake me. I actually find that I quite enjoyed lying like that."

"you sure it's alright?"

The captain nodded before sitting up. "I'm going to the indoor bathing area for a little while to relax in one of the hotsprings. My back's been acting up. That's what woke me actually."

The redhead nodded and let his eyes follow his husband as the man walked outside before closing his eyes and once again falling asleep.

XXXXthenextweek

Byakuya stared as Renji carried some of his stuff over from his own room. Normally he'd have moved back to said own room yesterday. They'd planned everythin; They would tell the council that sleeping in the same bed was at this moment very uncomfortable for Byakuya and his by now enormous 22 weeks pregnant belly.

But Byakuya had found it to be lonesome after spending only one night alone when finally knowing the feeling of an entire week of waking up in his husbands protecting arms.

So not the lieutenant was moving into the room, putting his clothes in the closet next to Byakuya's, having his sword stand on his side of the bed, …

"You're sure about this right?" Renji asked softly, for the uptimeth time that day. He just wanted to make sure. "you're not going to have any panick attacks, are you?"

" no, I'll be quite alright. Now unpack your bags, dinner is almost ready."

XXXXXXX

Weeks passed and Byakuya found it harder and harder to fall asleep. He also found himself waking up in Renji's arms less and less. Thought for that was last fact he mostly had himself to blame.

As he started nearing his 30th week he got tired easier, which mostly resulted in him becoming quite cranky and short-tempered and mostly asking Renji to let go of him so he could slap.

But when Renji started to just go and sleep on the couch he'd feel guilty for pushing him away and not letting his husband sleep in the comfort in what was now his own bed as well.

It took him three weeks before his pride finally allowed himself to apologize to Renji and ask him to come back to bed after he'd gotten cranky once again.

Now, in his 35th week, everthing seemed right again and he finally found himself waking up in his husbands arms again.

But that wasn't what had woken him up. No WHAT had woken him up actually had him a bit worried. He grabbed his stomach and groaned softly. It felt like an enormous rock lying on his organs and to say that the feeling was unpleasant was quite the understatement.

He groaned once again when now a wave of pain went through him and he knew that it could be two things in the least. It could be false labor pains, or he could be going into an early labor and the child would be born too soon.

And since he had experienced neither of them before he decided to play it on the safe side and get to Unohana-taichou as soon as possible.

XXXXX

**AN: I'm sorry if this is progressing rather quickly, but since I've never been pregnant or have never known anyone pregnant close to me I have absolutely NO idea what it's like.  
>I hope you still enjoy it thought. PLEASE REVIEW? I like your constructive criticism telling me how I can improve my style etc. <strong>


	12. Welcome little man

**AN: Hope you like the extra long chapter :D **

**XXXXXXXXXXXX**

„Renji! RENJI!" Byakuya shook his husbands shoulder, groaning in pain and frustration. He'd been trying to wake up the redhead for about ten minutes already and right now another wave of pain was going over him.

This couldn't wait any longer. They had to get to the fourth squad immediately. This wasn't false labor! He cursed and mustered all the strength he could to punch his lieutenant in the stomach. That should wake him up.

Or not.

He could easily understand that the man was tired because of the many nights on the couch and dealing with his moodswings, but this was just ridiculous.

At the second punch in his stomach the redhead finally shot awake, staring at his redfaced, panting partner.

"Taichou?"

"Renji…. You have to get me to the fourth… immediately…" He groaned again and watched as a look of realization and pure shock washed over his lieutenants face.

"Already? But isn't it too early"?"

"Yeah. Well… Seems that this is something he got from me… he wants to be early rather than late." The noble groaned out. He was seriously going to kill Renji if the idiot didn't start moving his ass soon.

The redhead rolled his eyes and quickly helped the both of them into some clothes before picking up his taichou and flash stepping to the fourth division.

Unohana-taichou, who seemed to immediately know what was going on, told Renji where to put Byakuya. And when the redhead had done so he turned to leave. He felt that he had no right to be there seeing as how this was technically all his fault. The child was the result of him raping his now-husband and he at least wouldn't take these first moments between Byakuya and his child away from the man.

"R-Renji… Don't go."

"But-"

"You put it in there! You are going to be here when he comes out as well! Now go get in those ridiculous clothes they handed you!"

The redhead's eyes widened and he nodded. "Yes taichou!" came out in reflex before he went to the sink to wash up and get in the surgical gown the captain of the fourth division had handed to him.

Soon after Unohana and a few others entered, quickly explaining how the cesarean was going to be done and what Renji had to do, they partially sedated the groaning noble.

Things went well at first, but when they finally wanted to cut through the wall of the reiatsu chamber the child was in, Byakuya's blook pressure suddenly dropped drastically and Renji was sent outside in a matter of seconds.

And suddenly time, which had been going very fast before, slowed down considerally until it almost seemed to be standing still. Almost like it wasn't moving at all.

Renji was having a panick attack. '_not again._' He thought. _'no please. Not again. Not when we were finally getting somewhere together. PLEASE!' _

He buried his face in his hands and waited, and waited, and just kept on waiting. But after more than the longest ten minutes of his life, somebody still had to come outside. So he stood up and began pacing in front of the door. The energy needed to go somewhere.

Byakuya couldn't die now. He'd finally started trusting Renji enough to share small secrets and even what he'd felt. He finally started trusting him enough to even share small kissed. And the redhead was finally started to fall in love enough to enjoy all those small things.

After minutes and minutes of pacing the door finally suddenly opened to reveal Unohana-taichou with a concerned look in her eyes, almost motherly.

"Abarai-fukutaichou. I fear that the way it seems right now we won't be able to save the both of them. We can only focus on save on of them. If we focus on getting the child out in time before the reiatsu cage crumbles; he'll die. And if we focus on saving him, the reiatsu chamber will eventually still crumble away and kill the child within due to reiatsu shortage."

The man bleached and stared at her with big eyes. "Save Byakuya." He said immediately in a determined voice. If only he really was that determined. There was no doubt about it that losing the child would immensely hurt Byakuya and that the man most probably thought the life of his son to be more important because of his promise to the council. It wasn't that he didn't deem the child to be important as well. But to him Byakuya just meant more. He couldn't explain it.

And Byakuya and the council would most likely be extremely pissed at his decision because he just knew that they really valued the life of the new heir. Mostly the council would be pissed at him. Because without Byakuya there he would have barely any say in how the child would be raised seeing as how he was no 'real kuchiki' They'd mostly try to get rid of him as well so they could raise the child in the way they wanted. To be an emotionless leader who listened to them and had no own free will, no childhood, no real life.

And of course not all the elders were like that. But just most of them were and he didn't want his son to end up like that. No. If Byakuya didn't survive this then their son's future wasn't a very bright one.

He sat back down and resumed to stare at the door. Now all he could do was wait once again. And so he did.

Another half an hour passed before Unohana-taichou finally came outside again, this time with a soft smile on her face as she showed him the small bundle she was carrying in her arms. "Congratulations Abarai-fukutaichou. You've got a very beautiful little son." She said softly, startling Renji, before she put the child in the crib one of her staff had just put there. A crib with enough blankets to certainly keep the child warm. "He seems to be well developed for a child his age. He is born as a premature but because he is so well developed he won't need that much extra care. He'll be fine."

"And Byakuya? I asked you to save him?" the redhead asked, slightly in panick.

"He'll be waking up soon. We don't know how it happened but somehow the reiatsu chamber didn't start crumbling as expected and his blood pressure suddenly returned to normal as well. In the end we were able to save both of them and I'm sure that he's the one who made sure of that, He'll be fine. Thought he will need to stay here for observation for a few weeks. As well as your son."

Renji nodded and followed after the captain into the room while she pushed the crib next to Byakuya's bed. "We'll move him to another room shorly. We still have to prepare one, so for now I'll let you sit by him here."

"Thank you Unohana-taichou. I really appreciate all of it. Thank you for saving them both."

XXXX

Byakuya slowly opened his eyes, squinting them at the bright light. It took him a few seconds to remember what had happened and he quickly sat up before groaning as he felt a wave of pain and dizziness hit him.

He looked around the room and now saw Renji sitting in one of the chairs, asleep, with a crib right next to him.

The noble slowly stood up and walked towards where the crib was standing with weak legs threatening to give out under him any second. He had to see his son, he had to know if he was alright! He had heard it when Unohana had spoken to Renji and he had given it his all to make sure that his son would survive as well. They could try and save him while he focused on keeping the chamber stable, and his child save.

A soft breath of relief escaped his lips as he looked at the infant in the crib. He wondered if he could name the child by himself, and knew that Renji would probably let him do that. He did have a name in his head.

"Hajime Kuchiki." He whispered softly. The name meant beginning and he could only hope Renji liked it. And understood why he head named the child Hajime. Because somehow he'd been able to hear Renji when he'd been out of it and thought it had freaked him out at first, it was also what had made him think of the name.

Hajime. The child that was their beginning.

"Hajime huh. I like it.""

Byakuya's eyes widened comically as he turned to look at his husband.

"You go lay back in bed. I'll bring our little Hajime over to you." The redhead said with a soft smile but a stern voice as he waited for the other to lay back down. And when the noble did, he lifted their son and placed him in the other's waiting arms.

"he's beautiful." Byakuya mumbled softly.

"Yeah well… That's 'cuz he looks like you. Boy's only got my eyes. Thank god for that I guess." He rubbed the back of his head in an awkward move and sat down on the side of the bed.

"I'm really glad you both survived." He said silently. "I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't survived. They even came to me and asked me to decide which life I wanted to be saved and I chose you because-"

"I know. Thank you. I'm glad you did. That way I could focus on keeping Hajime safe while they saved me."

Renji blushed softly. "I should be the one to thank you, you know. You're the one who gave birth to this beautiful boy. Our son."

He noticed the soft smile and blush on Byakuya's features at that sentence and smiled as well. "You know. I think I could really fall in love with you." He said softly. "To be honest. I think that, maybe, I already am."

XXXX

**AN: Hope you liked it. Please review! :D **


	13. The end

**AN: Oh my. Already the last chapter. That was unexpected. Normally I'd planned on 15 chapters, but it seems like I've written everything in less. So yes. This is the last part, epilogue included. Hope you like it **

XXXX

After one week Byakuya was finally allowed to go home with Renji, thought Hajime still had to remain at the fourth division for further observations, much to Byakuya's displeasure. It had taken quite a lot of persuasion to make the clanhead go home without his son. He just didn't want to leave his son behind, not after almost losing him.

But after Unohana-taichou had assured him that she'd personally look after the little premature child and that he could –obviously- visit him daily, he'd given in. Thought, in the end, he was still at the fourth division from the moment the sun came up till the time Unohana send him home because he needed to rest. Each day went like that until they were finally able to take Hajime home. Four weeks after he was born.

And the first thing the noble did when his son arrived home was wrap him in his scarf with a soft smile touching his lips and take his son to the council to present him as the new heir and officially get him named as a Kuchiki.

"You chose a beautiful name Byakuya-sama." The head elder said with a smile. "A beautiful name for a beautiful little boy. Congratulations Byakuya-sama. You have every right to be so very proud."

The clanhead couldn't stop from turning the soft smile that was playing on his lips into a full blown one.

And Renji did exactly the same when his husband stepped outside of the council with a soft nod.

Maybe things between them weren't the way they should be yet, but they were progressing smoothly. Slowly but smoothly. Byakuya was now steadily regaining his trust in Renji and Renji was equally steady, but slow none the less, falling in love with the ravenhaired nobleman.

XXXXXX

7 years passed and Renji was sitting in the gardens of the Kuchiki estate, staring at his son with love clearly written in his eyes. Oh how he loved his little boy. He do anything in the world for him.

He snickered when he remembered that said boy was already quite the ladykiller, like he had been at that age, much to Byakuya's great displeasure. Ah, his husband really did not like that fact and he used every opportunity he had to blame Renji for Hajime's antics.

Thought it was also quite easy to see that it amused him as well, if not more than the fact that he hated it.

The nobleman had become more open, showing more and more of his feelings, his emotions. Thought it had taken an almost-divorce for that to happen. Renji, who had fallen in lave quite hard by then, had been annoyed by the fact that Byakuya just wouldn't confide in him, his husband, and by then already lover as well.

It had ended up in a huge discussion after which Byakuya had promised to open up more. He didn't want their relationship to end because of that, because of him falling back in old habits, now that they'd finally really loved each other. Now that Byakuya finally completely trusted Renji with everything he was.

He had come to the conclusion that he'd been hurting Renji by not confiding in him.

…

Renji smiled as Byakuya walked up to him, waving at Hajime before sitting down next to his lover, leaning back and letting his hands rest on his stomach in a relaxed way, sighing happily.

"and?" came the soft whispering voice of Renji, making Byakuya smile widely at his tattooed lover who was leaning towards him, laying his hands on top of Byakuya's

"It's a girl." He whispered back, making Renji grin the widest grin of his entire life before he kissed the old man lovingly.

"Ewww Dad. Don't kiss mom like that out here in the middle of the day. I don't want to see that."

Both parents laughed at that and pulled their son into a tight hug.

"Yeah well, your mom just told me that you'll be having a little sister to look after soon enough. It makes me happy so I'm kissing you both." He said teasingly as he kissed his child's cheek.

Hajime's face lit up in surprise before he kissed his 'mother' on the forehead with a wide smile that was almost equaling Renji's. "I'm going to a big brother! Can I tell aunt Rukia? I'm going to tell aunt Rukia!"

And within a mere few seconds time the little boy sprinted off towards the mansion, calling for his beloved aunt.

"He's going to be a wonderful brother." Renji whispered, smile still playing on his lips as he once again kissed his lover.

"And a wonderful clan leader as well." Byakuya added with the same smile. "He's learning so fast. Actually; he's just growing up so fast. I can barely believe he's already 7. He's already been undergoing training for 2 years."

"thankfully less intensive than yours." Renji whispered with a smirk, making Byakuya roll his eyes. "and yeah. I can barely believe it as well… Time sure goes fast."

The redhead stood up, pulling up his lover as well before hugging him tightly. They'd waited long enough with trying to give Hajime a sibling. Mostly because both Renji, the council and even Unohana-taichou thought it to be too dangerous for Byakuya's life. And Byakuya had agreed with it, yes, but his wish to have more children just won out over the fact that it could possibly be dangerous. So they had started doing some tests which would show them just how big of a danger it was as well as some ways to make it safer for him to bear children.

They had discussed what to do if Byakuya got pregnant after getting the results of the tests. And it were a LOT of rules. Byakuya had to go to the fourth division weekly for a complete check up on all his body functions AND those of the child. Then, he also had to go to a clan healer daily for a basic check-up. And near the end of his pregnancy he will have to go to the fourth division every third day. All of this just to be extra sure everything was going well.

"We better get going for your first check-up as well as plan all the others." Renji mumbled against his lover's lips, making the noble nod and follow the redhead outside after calling after Rukia to look after Hajime while they were gone.

XXXX

A few months later Akahana was born. A little girl with bright red hair and deep purple-grey eyes. A weird combination, but somehow it really worked. A bright red flower. That was what her name meant. It was a delicate name, but somehow it sounded really powerful. She'd been brought into the world by a ceasarian with no causalities. Nothing weird happening. Everything had gone perfect and both parents were thanking every possible god for that as they held her in their arms with a proud look in their eyes. Hajime was going to be a real great older brother. He swore so to her when he held her.

Everything was just perfect. And they deserved it to be.

**XXX**

**Sniff. That was it. God I hope you enjoyed it. Please do tell me what you think of it! :D **


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